The Littlest Bit

This little BIT (bitch-in-training, FYI) walks into my living room... As joke opening lines go, it sucks. But true, none-the-less. So, my 4 year old 'little bit' walks into the living room with her sippy cup, "Can you get me a drink, Mommy?"

"Sure, where's your sister's sippy cup?" The standard procedure involves two sippy cups, not one.

"I looked, and I looked everywhere, and I couldn't find it. It's not on the floor." Hmmm.

"Really? So if I walk into your bedroom right now, look on the floor, and find the sippy cup, can I spank you for not telling me the truth?"

Big eyes and surprised expression, "How did you know that I didn't look for it?" Bingo! Got her 'tell.' You see, every child has a 'tell' (to borrow a poker phrase) that he or she uses when he or she lies. And I just found my daughter's. That'll make the teenage years easier.

"Mommy just knows, honey. Now go get the other sippy cup."

"But how did you know?" she asks. I think this is her 4 year old method for improving her 'stories' AKA 'lies' with feedback. Nuh-uh, no way, not giving that up! Tells lose their effectiveness when discovered.

My oldest son is lying on the couch watching TV. "Because she's Mom, that's how she knows." He's heard these stories before, what can I say. And his tell is a small smile when he lies. But don't tell him, because he's smart enough to come up with a tell I can't figure out.

"Ok," and she goes to get the sippy cup. When she brings it back, she's fake-crying. "ahuunh, ahuuhn." And it's such a horribly fake cry. JFC, does she not learn?

"What's wrong sweetie? And why on earth are you crying like that? And if you are going to try to cry for effect, at least make it real-sounding. As a personal favor to me."

"I didn't want you to get Baby Sisser a drink. She's not sharing the toy box, and she's laying in it! She's got her pillow and blanket, and she won't get out! Ahuunh, ahuuunh" WTF? I'm certain I have not encouraged such fake cries. Are there no actors in the family she can emulate?

"Is she sleeping in the toy box?" (Don't ask.)

"No, but she won't share the toys. And I don't want to her to do that," my little gestapo tells me.

"If she's doing something you don't want her to, tell her not do that. Talk it out, child. You have to speak your mind, she can't tell what you're thinking. I'll go fill your sippy cups, and you go talk to your sister."

She walks into their room, and I hear her say, "Baby Sisser, not to do that!" Well, I didn't say she had to be understood. I'm sure I'll hear that cry again.